In my time as a psychotherapist, I've only been touched by death once. I lost a coworker at LRADAC. I didn't know him very well and he died of congestive heart failure. He was in his mid-30's and a good guy.
Until yesterday...
I've lost my first client to suicide. Sure, we're all told it will happen. In my peer group and supervision group, we imagine what it would be like and get ready to hear, "you did everything you could...you couldn't have prevented this". When I learned of this death, I thought, "She finally did it.". For obvious reasons I can't say much, but I can say that she flirted with suicide many times and was hospitalized many times. I don't remember the hospitalizations. I remember her laugh and her beautiful, beautiful blue eyes. I remember her calling me "my Wendy", and I now know she has peace. Some believe if you kill yourself, you go to hell. I don't believe she's in hell. I believe she's in peace; I feel it in my soul, she is no longer suffering.
I wonder if she'll come visit me. I wonder if she was in pain before it happened? I have many questions, but they are selfish...I want to know what she thought about me.
I do know that the next time I hear a client call me, "My Wendy", I will think of her.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment