Sunday, May 27, 2007

"Normal "<--just a setting on a dryer

So it's been a while since I've posted......what has been new in my neighborhood?

Well, I'll tell ya:

B is for burn out, my friends. That's right, this girl has been in the throes of one of the worst burn outs she can ever remember. The last two weeks have seen me doing stupid azz things to sabotage my practice and I'm happy to say that the crazy girl trying to destroy my livelihood has been banished!!

That being said, I'm incredibly, incredibly glad for this long weekend. I'm ever mindful of how much of a sacrifice our troops have to make. I can't help but think of my little brother and my late grandfather around this time of year. In my Pap Pap's words, "you just did didn't think about it. It never was a question of not serving your country". I miss him. Much of my burn out comes from not being "right" since I lost him. I don't care what anyone else wants to say, life just isn't the same when you lose someone you love dearly. And if I get any of that "pull yourself up by your bootstraps..what would your grandfather want..bull shit" from anyone (wink, wink), I'll tell you here and I'll tell you later, "Bite me. Life changes and it hurts like a bitch some times. I just choose to be honest and open and talk about my feelings...even if they aren't warm-fuzzy ones". My comments are directed to anyone in general..I acknowledge that I'm a little snarky here.

I miss my best friend, DD. If money grew on trees, I'd fly my butt back out to Seattle in a skinny minute. She is good for my soul. She loves me and takes care of me and laughs with me and makes me believe that life will get better.

I miss being able to have "mental health days" and still being able to get paid. I miss "state holidays" and health insurance benefits, and not sweating about getting a pay check.

I miss the days of childhood. Joe and I riding around on our bikes, exploring the neighborhood. Going to swim team practice at St. Andrews pool. The smell of the house we lived in when the AC was on.

I miss living and working down on Hilton Head Island. John and I rollerblading and him trying to teach me how to blade backwards. I miss walking with my Pap Pap, talking about relationships. I miss Pap bringing me fresh fruit that my Gramma had cut for me to the pool while I was a life guard. I miss hearing my grandmother say, "Dammit, Dick!".

I miss and I I have to live and live and make more memories of things that I can miss. So this time next year, I can have some things to reflect on and maybe some new treasures to reminisce about as well.

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